Women in Business

Leaders Succeed through Negotiations and Strategy

Do those scripts we inherited from those early years linger on in our minds?

We know that it’s lonely at the top, but successful women tend to enjoy social relationships and networking as well as the work itself. Women managers believe that women personalize feedback more than men do, even when the recipient later realizes that the criticism was justified.

In a recent focus group discussion, one woman spoke for others, who nodded along, when she mused:

"We’re really pained and disappointed when our boss is dissatisfied with our performance, but what were we expecting? Business is competitive and sometimes we can miss a beat. Those early scripts die hard. We’re used to being polite and concerned about other people’s feelings. Men are used to the rough and tumble world of sports with name calling and competitiveness, and don’t personalize feedback. We should remember that after the game, the guys go out for a beer and laugh about their foibles. That’s good training in its own way."

Are women tough enough to lead corporations?

A top advertising executive -- COO of several companies -- talked to me about the sleepless nights he’d had during his various tenures, and offered this perspective:

"The C-level executive has to make tough personnel and fiscal decisions. That can mean firing good people, closing offices due to mergers and acquisitions, and stopping projects in the middle. Tough on anyone. Executive Leadership requires you to have ice water in your veins. Most women are more compassionate than men. Could they cope as well with the C-level job requirements?"

Negotiations are tough conversations for women who aren’t adequately prepared for the "game" aspect.

It involves lots of parry and thrust, giving, getting, and trading to shape and fine-tune the deal. Our early sex role directives - be nice, listen, smooth over conflict, don’t be decisive or stand out -can put us at a disadvantage in dealing with advancement negotiations. This is where a mentor guiding a woman’s development comes in handy. And we can have several mentors – men or women - at the same time, each with different expertise providing good feedback and good advice.
Let us hear from you:

1. Do you feel that you had adequate preparation for negotiations? That is: have you been able to observe negotiations so you could develop a feel for the cycles and phases – and strategies- of negotiations?
2. How do you handle feedback from your supervisor? Do you take it on the chin, roll with it and learn from it, or are you pained and disappointed? What can -- or did -- you do to learn how to see constructive criticism as a learning experience? What advice would you give younger staff about handling criticism?
3. Can women executives cope as well with the C-level job requirements when it comes to firing personnel, closing down a project or facility? If you’ve been on the receiving end in this situation, did a person of the opposite sex handle the tough moment differently? What’s been your experience?

Let us hear back. We’ll publish your replies.

Lois Phillips, Ph.D. with Fran Lotery, Ph.D. 

Managing Our Ambitions: Choices, not chance, in an imperfect world.

In focus group discussions to plan the 2006 SoCal Women’s Leadership Conference with women and men who are business leaders working with top corporations, we discussed the challenges faced by women who desire to advance.  One issue is balance.  Juggling various roles and trying to have some semblance of a personal life is easier said than done. Pressures on women are great, coming from all sides, not the least of it from the women themselves.  From our interviews, we learned that managing guilt remains a challenge.

Expectations have changed
Let’s face it: the women’s movement raised expectations for the daughters of women who lived and parented through the turbulent sixties. The prevalent attitude is: “we can do everything if we prepare ourselves and seize opportunities.” Having it all is a bit of magical thinking because while expectations have changed and roles  are shifting, corporations haven’t kept pace with changing roles and expectations on women by providing the kind of flexibility they need to remain in the game.

Juggling is an art. Lois Phillips wrote about "Fragmentia: The disease of women in transition," women trying to  juggle personal ambitions with conventional role expectations. Even if our personal lives seem relatively balanced, things come up: an unexpected merger, a move to a new facility. There are just so many changes we can cope with -- physically, emotionally, and practically -- if some or all occur at the same time. Unrelenting change: it’s the only thing we can count on in the 21st century.

Achieving work/life balance is a moving target. A CFO in the entertainment industry sees it this way:

"Some sacrifices are worth it but one has to be thoughtful. You may have to be strategic about your time. Ask yourself, which family events are critical to attend? Maybe you don't need to attend every piano lesson or sports event, but recitals and the final playoffs are more important. Maybe a few of the more routine meetings can go on without you."

We've heard consistently that working women must get their priorities straight. Women who are busier than they’d like to be can be conflicted; on the one hand, they experience great satisfaction with the completion of a creative or difficult project, and on the other hand, they know what they’re missing when they don’t have enough down time for recreation, hobbies, and friends and family. Yet current research on stress consistently directs women and men to balance work with recreation and rest, with dire results if they don’t.

Working parents
Working parents need to think strategically about the choice points. When you hit one of those days where you have to choose between work and family, one bit of advice given by executives is to have  their staff consider the consequences. Ask yourself: "Will I be punished in some way - personally or professionally - if I don’t attend a family function, or if I don’t attend this meeting?"