In focus groups, to identify a list of conference topics for our WOMEN IN LEADERSHIP CONFERENCE, we were surprised to hear very competent women managers agree that they still found it hard to shake the sex role socialization, the "shoulds," and "scripts" women learned in their early years. Girls are socialized to develop certain traits and abilities that undermine assertiveness such as modesty, self-consciousness, subordination to others, and congeniality.
Critical feedback is tough to take, and women agreed that they and other women often respond way too personally. Leadership roles require women to transcend these early scripts and self-defeating attitudes. One of the ways sex role scripts inhibit leadership is in attitudes toward public speaking, which is crucial for success in advancing into leadership positions.
Girls aren't encouraged to learn the skills necessary to make those hard-hitting points. They're encouraged to speak quietly in a lyrical voice, while boys are prepared to be succinct, direct, and ask for what they want. Therefore, girls often grow up to be women more comfortable with dialogue than public speaking. In many ways, it's a lot easier. After all, if there's a misstep in a conversation, you can always say, "Oh, I didn't really mean that. What I really meant was..." and only one person need be involved in mopping up a misunderstanding.
When a large department is listening to you make your point, however, there's no taking it back in the morning.
The misstep can bleed out beyond the moment and come back to haunt the speaker. No wonder effective speakers work hard to be well prepared.
Plato (427-347 BC) said that "If women are expected to do the same work as men, we must teach them the same things." There's no way to dodge the issue: public speaking is a function of the leadership role.
To succeed as a leader, you have to succeed as a speaker. We're used to seeing men in leadership roles but seeing a woman at the very top of an organization or government is still unusual. Virtual communication may be fine for perfunctory e-mails but the woman leader with a new vision of the future needs to be seen and heard from the first days in her role, seizing the public's curiosity about her competence and demonstrating credibility as a leader through a dynamic delivery style.
Still, we have found that fear of public speaking remains common. The executive clients we work with would rather hand the microphone over to a less knowledgeable member of her team than speak to the staff, Board, or venture capitalists.
So we ask:
How did you overcome your anxieties about standing up at the head of the table? Did you have a mentor or role model? Did you learn through trial-and-error? Even better, have you actively embraced the podium as a tool for establishing credibility as a leader? If yes, share a success story with us.
In high school, an all girls school with nuns as teachers, I won an essay contest. I delivered my essay in front of an audience and recorded it for the nuns to send to the "mother house". That was my first public speaking experience. As a community college student, I was required to take a speech class for graduation. My teacher instilled in me a love of words. In that class we were required to make several differnt types of speeches. Although I consider myself a true "introvert" according to the Myers-Briggs assessment, I have done public speaking in most of my professional jobs over the past 30 years. It was always easiest when I was passionate about the subject: migrant family child care, adult illiteracy, community mental health. My mother was a role model. She was a school teacher, mother of six children, who found time to run for a local park board as a candidate. Later in her teaching career she became president of local and state reading associations. All of these positions required her to speak in public. She was the person of whom I wrote my high school essay that won the contest. I feel I did embrace the podium for causes that were not being openly discussed in my community. I learned to overcome fear by being prepared with written notes and research to back up my comments. I also enjoyed sharing real life stories of people I was working with whose life situations illustrated the need for more money or community attention to an issue. As I am considering winding down in my paid career status and looking forward to more leisure and creativity time, I am not so interested to be in the public eye. It is good to know of support for women, wherever they are in their public / career lives who want to become effective speakers and leaders. Deconstructing social / cultural barriers girls and women have experienced as leaders and encouraging new skill development is so important. Thank you.
Posted by: Roberta Valdez | February 11, 2006 at 11:13 PM